Friend or foe?

Good afternoon to you my loyal lovelies,

Since transitioning into my 30’s, along with seeing changes in my physical appearance, energy levels and career development – one other area I have really noticed a shift in is my friendship circle. For this months post, I really wanted to delve into the complicated world of maintaining those special relationships in the modern world.

(All images courtesy of google images)

At school I wasn’t one of the “popular”, the musical or the high tech computer sets of friends but I had a core group of around eight girls and we did everything together. I still think fondly back to the first time we got into a night club (we were so excited and felt so grown up) and also heading into London in style in our own limousine after prom night. Back then you felt as if you would be friends forever although when we all started going off to different colleges or getting work placements, the group whittled down to barely a handful by the time university or full time employment came around. I am lucky enough to still have one of my very oldest friends in my life from the first week of secondary school, it’s been 21 years and she is like a sister to me still.

I am so grateful that in my 20s I was able to travel to some amazing places around the world – real bucket list destinations like Bali, the Amalfi Coast and Brazil. Also working in Africa, Houston and Norway on secondment which was incredible for life experience (and passport stamps) but not so great for maintaining those important friendships in your life.

Don’t get me wrong, with the introduction of social media and technology like Skype and WhatsApp calls it does make the world seem a little smaller when you get that all important beep on your phone from your best friends, but as I have said before on earlier posts, sometimes social media can be as much a hindrance as a help. I still find it so strange how a quick text or comment on Instagram has replaced spending hours chatting in each other’s bedrooms, or how catching up over a glass of wine can be few and far between as life just passes by so quickly.

It’s amazing how you continually meet people as an adult also who just instantly feel as though they have been there forever – forging new friendships which mesh seamlessly with the old, reminiscent of the edges of a well worn patchwork quilt. Whether that be in the work place, doing one of your favourite hobbies or at a party through a mutual friend, I really feel as women we have an invisible bond which should be uplifting not belittling each other.

It’s universally ok and an unwritten rule too whether you have children or not, that because our lives are so full and busy – we cannot possibly expect to get a response to our message or voice mail immediately like we did when our phones were constantly glued to our hands as teenagers (quite frankly a few hours to respond is commendable, but a few days more likely)

In summary I guess I am trying to say that like any relationship, friendships also take work and effort. I put my hands up completely and admit that I tend to retreat into myself when I’m sad or hurting but if you are going through a particularly tough or difficult time and you lose friends because of it, then in my view they were not very good ones to begin with. Sometimes even when we feel as though we have 10 plates spinning in the air simultaneously, a simple voice note to your best friend is enough to let them know you are thinking of them and you are there to be a supportive hand when they are ready to open up.

What with all the controversy, wars, famine, poverty and huge social issues like the sheer number of people suffering with depression, mental health issues or loneliness – even if you have one special person in your life who you know you can always turn to for advice – CHERISH them as to me, having people around you who genuinely love and respect you is worth more than any materialistic item in the world.

Until next time, take care

Keya x

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